Molly Is a Backstabbing Bitch
By Gabrielle Lue, NoisePorn Contributing Writer
Disclaimer: Don’t be stupid, kids. Seriously. Don’t run around after reading this article thinking you know the first thing about Molly. Molly is a siren and she won’t hesitate to lead you to your painful death with her beautiful song.
Molly: No matter where you are nowadays, she can be found in the EDM scene. She’s in the eyes of the chick dancing her soul away. She’s in the hands of some no-name DJ who can’t quite mesh the songs.
Molly is the nickname for MDMA (3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine, for those of you who care). It not only heightens your senses but it also keeps your mood consistent for roughly eight hours. When mixed with other things like cocaine and heroin, it’s called ecstasy. In its purest form, most would say Molly is what helps them keep up with the beat all night long. Without it, music is just no fun.
But enough with the science talk. Here are the basics of what you should know about molly, and why depending on it for fun is pretty much the stupidest thing ever:
- IT’S ILLEGAL. Obviously. You get caught with it, you go to jail. One gram of MDMA, in the law’s eyes, is equal to 100 grams of Mary Jane. Possession of five grams or more will get you locked up for anywhere between five and 40 years. Also, without government regulation there is no label on your little druggie bag. You won’t know how much you’re taking, and there’s no way of telling if it’s even MDMA. I’d say this is an instance where it’s better to be safe than sorry.
- Sure, connecting to other people has never been easier. Molly is extremely popular at music festivals because she can introduce you to new friends, of which you never would’ve met otherwise because you’re too socially awkward without it. You don’t even know what an awkward conversation is because it doesn’t exist—at least not for you when you’ve got Molly by your side (and really, isn’t your perception all that matters?)
- Molly is dangerous in large quantities and, if not handled properly, can lead to death on your first try. This is because she’ll keep your body pumping, which may make you a great dancer, but it also makes dehydration a serious problem. All the while you won’t be feeling anything; you’ll just know that you want to move more (and that you want to be best friends with everyone around you).
- Molly can heighten your senses 10 times more than Peter Parker’s, and that’s after a radioactive spider bit him. Unfortunately for you, you probably won’t gain his reflexes and wall-climbing abilities. What Molly can give you, however, is strange sensations. She’ll tell you, “Touch the fuzzy wall, you deserve it.”
- Afterward, you’ll suffer from serotonin withdrawal. Molly just used a bit too much of it. Paying attention will become the ultimate struggle, not to mention your motivation to do anything. Also imagine this: You pop a Molly, you sweat, you dance. All. Night. Long. The next morning you’ll wake up with a killer headache and your body will feel worse than Billy Ray Cyrus’ achy breaky heart.
There are clear reasons why people are attracted to Molly, but none of those reasons outweigh the cons. Molly has pervaded dance clubs and music festivals all around. Her best friend, Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (LSD), earned similar popularity during Woodstock and other music scenes in the ‘70s. Don’t fall for the hype though. Abusing Molly will make her fight back. Hanging out with her at festivals may make the music sound better, but if you stick around too much she’ll begin to tire of you. In your search for her you’ll begin to seek her out more often and in larger quantities, just so the music can be as good as the first time. In an attempt to get rid of you, Molly will begin turning the music against you. She’ll raise your paranoia levels and, suddenly, the festival you’re at will become a horror show. In addition, she’ll make silence drive you up a wall and you’ll find yourself needing sound, but you won’t have the courage to go back to the horror show. People like Olivia Rotondo and Jeffrey Russ abused Molly, and she ended up killing both of them.
My plea to you is that you do not let Molly ruin the music scene. If you can’t feel and love the music without her aid, then you should probably find a more fulfilling hobby.
About the Author:
Gabby spends her days playing Civilization 5 (and various other steam games), trolling around on Tumblr, watching Netflix or getting into shenanigans with her friends. In her spare time she attends the University of Florida and attempts homework.